It really is not okay

Grace and peace to you and through you

We live in a violent world.

There is state-sanctioned violence between nations. Anonymous drones drop death. There are wars within countries as people fight to hold onto power and resources. Adults acting like children and children turned into soldiers. There is conflict coded along ethnic and religious grounds. Gangs fight for turf in the streets. Bullies transform school corridors into tunnels of horror. Women live under unspoken curfews that determine where and when they can go. Marriages can alternate between kissed lip and bleeding lip … sometimes in the same night.

From the outside we may abhor this physical violence but those involved in it most often think it is necessary and justified. Just this past week on Wednesday there was an incident outside this Sanctuary. A young man mugged a couple in the market. He was chased and caught and brought back to the scene of the crime.
In seconds a large crowd surrounded him – some hitting him and others swearing at him. Some shouting: “F-him up. Beat him. Klap hom. Teach him a lesson.” I was told that “pastor we know how to deal with these people – leave us alone”.

In the same week President Zuma ordered the Army to provide “law and order” during the State of the Nation Address. The army should never ever be used for policing – it is a blood bath waiting to happen. But a fearful leader is a loveless leader.

At the same State of the Nation ceremony the traditional 21 gun salute is fired, again somehow endorsing the power of the gun and the power it protects.

Much closer to home – in fact, in some of our homes –  there is fear and there is terror. The fear and terror of domestic abuse. The cycle of physical and emotional violence followed by days of silence and walking on tip-toe or followed by apologies and remorse and flowers and promises … only to evaporate under fresh outbursts of madness.

In your most intimate relationships please, please know that you never ever “deserve” to be hit. Never ever! Please know that you did not “cause” your partner to hit you. Please know that you are not responsible for their anger management – they are! Please know that refusing to report domestic abuse “out of love” for you partner is not helping your partner. A person who beats their partner needs help. Professional help. Please know that “staying for the sake of the children” is seldom good for the children because of how they witness violence being normalised. This encourages abusive behaviour to be passed on from generation to generation.

Please know that you never ever have a right to hit your partner. If you have hit your partner you need help. And you can be helped. Let’s talk.


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